First and most, Thank you all so much for the replies. I know it’s only text on a screen, but it’s helped a lot. What’s behind screen makes a big difference. Definitely not a fun situation, but a lot better than trying to do this on my own.
I’ve tried talking to her about this multiple times since my last post, and she still says there’s nothing there to know, even with printed bank statements, etc. That caused no little hiccup, apparently I don’t trust her, so I had to go behind her back to do all this snooping, THAT’s why she can’t talk to me about anything… because all I will do is harp and snoop and not trust her. I know it’s all trying to justify her actions, etc, but doesn’t make it any easier to sit through.
Jumping back to the info above, yes, I’m probably going to be getting credit reports this week, for both of us, just to see what’s what. I don’t honestly know if we can cover the bills just on my check or not. Some things are current, some are past due, so I have no idea what the monthly payments on some are. One, I got the info, and it’s 600 due now, but the monthly, once caught up, will be about 50. So, going to take a bit before I have a handle on a lot of it. Some, we don’t get paper bills for, and I don’t think they’ll talk to me. She may or may not get me the info. Some times, seems like she wants to help, others, seems like she wants me to crash and burn so she can blame me for something else, say I made it worse. I don’t really know.
I’ve tried to have the calm discussion, but she always gets nasty, and defensive, and lashes back. Makes it very tough to have a talk about it. Looking at the hard numbers, it’s been about 10 grand in atm withdrawls the last 4 months, and the one place I know she goes. We don’t make that much. That’s not counting overdraft fees, atm fees, bounced check fees, etc. Even showing her the hard numbers, she still says I’m wrong because there isn’t enough there to do that much. Any savings we had are gone, and, as I said, I have no idea what it will take to cover monthly bills. I know I can cover the house, electric, heat, etc. All the credit cards beyond that, I don’t know.
Should I make sure all mine get covered, then do what I can with hers? I’m not listed on them, but it is a state where I believe I can still be held accountable for hers.
I have access to the checking account that she had been using, but I believe that she just opened another one, at a different bank, that I am not listed on, so I won’t be able to see if she’s still doing it from there.
I thought about going into that little shop, and asking if they could ban her, but I know she says she is friends with the people who run it, and if I went that route, that would probably make her mad enough that would be the end of our marriage, regardless of if they would do it or not. Plus, there are multiple little gambling shops like that around here.
Making small steps, but hopefully still steps in the right direction.