I have read your post and want to reach out to support you. I hope it has helped you to write down those strong feelings and that you have found some sense of relief, but also strength and resolve within you.
It can be very hard living with this horrible addiction, even when you are physically at some distance. I applaud your defiance as expressed in this post. You are right – enabling helps no one, not even your son and, yes, you can support HIM, but not the addiction. Sometimes it is hard to get the two things clearly separated in our minds and actions, but you have learned a lot and are stronger and wiser now.
Continue to look after yourself, build your own life and share it with those who make it better for you. Keep hoping for your son’s complete change of mind and heart, which is the only way he can make progress now, but don’t let him spoil your life – this is what you are stating and we will be right with you.
All good wishes,