#1702
san250
Participant

Hi Velvet and everyone

So here’s an update … I continue to work on myself and I am indeed not the person I was even a couple of months ago. I’ve worked very hard on clearing beliefs in me that had a negative effect on myself and my life. I’ve realised I had NO boundaries and especially the cg could twist me round his little finger with no problem at all. I’ve taken my focus off him, it’s no longer my business what he does with his life, it’s his life. He is an adult not a five year old. I will no longer tolerate his games. He told me recently he tried to kill himself and supposedly called me from a hospital with a croaky voice.
I think the biggest thing that has happened is I have let him go, and I have finally forgiven myself for not taking my children out of my toxic marriage. My enabling was a form of conditional love (buying his love for feeling guilty for his childhood) and trying to fix everything to protect him from life. Everyone is responsible for their own healing. I accept my part in his upbringing and I’ve shown him where he can get help but until he has reached a point in his life that really hurts, only he can do something about it.
I’ve also cleared out negative beliefs in relation to overeating, these go back to childhood and feelings of being abandoned, rejected and conditional love. I am no longer an emotional eater and I have no desire at all to eat unhealthy food or in excess. I have lost 6 kg since August without even trying.
I truly believe for some cgs the desire to gamble is in relation to negative beliefs running in their body and stem from childhood wounds. They would rather gamble than face their true feelings and when they lose and mess up their lives they face even more pain and sink deeper into it. If they could find the courage to become conscious and face those fears and work hard in recovery they stand a chance.
There are 3 levels of consciousness:
1. I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know why I’m doing it.

2. I know what I’m doing but I don’t know why I’m doing it.

3. I know what I’m do and I am deeply interested in understanding ‘why’ I do it.” –
When people want to know why they do something, they ‘wake up’ and recovery can start.
I love the work you do here. It helped me so much in my journey and I will be always grateful for the support and guidance you all offered. Much love San xx