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Two good things there – you have not gambled and you are doing well at your job. Maybe focus on those? – both are tremendous achievements of which you can be proud.
If you can dwell more on the things you can work on for yourself and by yourself, it may help you towards becoming more able to value yourself and even begin to enjoy being the unique ‘you’ that you are.
I hope you will not take this as criticism, but I see that you mention a previous relationship ending and that you became an ’empty shell’ kind of person then. So it leads me to wonder if you find it hard to believe that you are worthwhile just as ‘you’, so then you over-emphasize the value of being part of an intimate relationship? In turn, it feels utter disaster to face the ending (or even temporary severing) of a relationship? I recognize that loss of a partner is one of the most difficult things for any of us, but I think it is worse when you sort of lose your own value at the same time. Does that make sense? I certainly do not wish to underestimate the pain you feel about the potential loss of your partner, but I wonder if, amidst all the pain, it is possible to start building up a sense of ‘you’ that is complete and worthwhile and not an empty shell? Not only does that help you to live more fully whilst not in a relationship, but I think it will also make any future relationship more satisfying.

These are ideas that come to me as I read your posts and intended to be helpful; I hope you see them in that way.

Stay safe and focussed during these next few days and keep in touch with all the support you can find.