I am sad to hear about the callousness with which your partner has treated you. I cannot tell what is driving him at the moment, but I think I can see that you are beginning to do some emotional separating from all that. It is very hard to come to terms with how someone close can be so cruel, but this is about him and not about you. Ultimately, as you are grasping, you are a precious, worthwhile and good human being – whether or not this person is thinking well of you. Hold on to those thoughts more and more. Treat yourself well, even when he does not treat you well. When you can, enjoy relating to others in your life, who are caring and respectful towards you. Also, when you can, reach out lovingly to others in need and receive appreciation. It is sometimes surprising to find how much you still have within you, even when you think you are totally washed out.
I know you are feeling right down and you give such a lot in your working life and family life, so I am not suggesting rushing out to save the world, but just using little opportunities that present themselves to you.
Try not to worry about your partner’s recovery – that has to be his choice and his work. I know you have probably heard that so often, but sometimes we have to keep reminding ourselves of the most vital things on a daily basis. I think this is because we are changing old patterns of thinking and this is a major process.
I’m sorry you have had problems getting into groups etc and hope you continue to find nurture from others and also from the well within in you.
Best wishes,