I’m sorry you are hearing this nasty accusation, when you are so busy being a mother of young children. It must be so hard to hear these things from the father/husband, when you just long for him to be there for you and the little ones, emotionally and practically.
As ever, we as family members have to look for the support and encouragement for ourselves, where we can get it. If the ‘ideal’ is not there, we try to live with that and focus on how we can care for ourselves as best we can, not wasting energy on worrying about what we have NOT got! I know you know all this and I know it is tough. I hope it helps to express your feelings here.
Wishing you good things.