Just read your thread and I feel for your every word. It sounds the same as myself and every other compulsive gambler. Just know that you can beat this. What you need to realize is people like us are powerless over gambling. It’s like if an alcoholic was able to go into a party with an open bar, he would 99% relapse and have a drink. We cannot go into a casino, or place our first bet. Once that first bet is placed, all of our logic is thrown out the window. We can tell ourselves we will bet smarter, we will leave when we are up , and sometimes we do leave, only to go back thinking we can keep winning and lose everything and then our own, chasing our losses. I have a similar story to you but I don’t want to get much into it except I was in the wrath you are right now , 72 days ago. For 11 months I was in a casino weekly, chasing my losses and playing with over 150k of mine and the casinos, only to quit , relapse, lose everything, win it back, feel happy, then lose it all again. Until I then I lost everything , lost my savings, lost my chequing, lost all money in every account , maxed out cc, credit line, overdraft… and now owe the bank due to this disease. That’s just to sum it up briefly to tell you i know how you feel, sleepless nights, forgetting to eat, our brains get consumed by this. We lose ourselves, our relationships with loved ones, our families. We lie we steal we do anything to gamble, no matter what. Because we are addicted to this. Now I believe you can beat this just as I have. First you have to accept your losses, which won’t be easy. You have to tell yourself that money is gone and never coming back. You have to just treat the debt like a student loan or car loan. Then you must ban yourself from all casinos. Attend GA if available , to see what this disease has done to people a lot older than you and I. You are young enough to rebuild and get your life back, but you must put a lot into your recovery. There may be relapses on the way, as there was for me, but it doesn’t mean you are back at day 1… you have to think of the overall progress . Try to join the gym, pick up any type of hobby, read a book, go to church, not for the religious aspect if you’re not., but just to be around people. One on one councilling helped me a lot too and it can get covered for free by social services if you can’t afford it like. Myself. Take it day by day, and eventually you will not even have any urges or thoughts to place your first bet. I like to think of it as the time you drank and got really sick from booze, you wake up With the worst hangover and you say you’re never drinking again.. 4-5 days go by and you feel normal and then you do it again. Gambling is the same, but we must think of the pain before we place another bet, think of this feeling and how it made you feel.. don’t ever think you can bet smarter or beat the casino. Even if you win, it’s just a loan from them because they know you will come and give it back. There are no successful rich gamblers, trust me. Work hard, stay busy, keep posting. And just know it does get better. You are worth it. You can beat this.
Merry Christmas and I wish you all the best. You are never alone.