What a lovely name. I wonder why you chose it and also think you are probably not feeling like a beautiful butterfly right now, but there is a beautiful butterfly within you, needing to be nurtured and released?
You have had a very direct and honest reply from Twilight and I think she has shared some excellent thoughts for your consideration – and your reply shows that you have been able to receive them well.
You obviously have a faith in God and you are handing things over to him. It is good if this gives you a sense of relief and strength to cope with the pain and disappointments in your life. I appreciate that fertility problems can be huge in any woman’s life and not fully understood by those who have not faced them. The possibility of a marriage not working out is also traumatic. And the addiction of a partner truly complicates everything you share or might have shared.
But, I think you have taken in the importance of looking after yourself and, hopefully, we can help and support you on the vital journey towards greater well-being for YOU. None of us knows for sure what that journey will be like in detail as each individual is unique, but there are many common principles and it usually helps just to know people ‘listen’ (read) and care about you and how you are getting on.
Welcome and I hope you find what you need.