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#4663
monique
Participant

Just another few words of welcome. I have read your post and can totally understand that you must be so worn out and deeply affected by all that has happened.
But you have reached out here. I hope you will now begin to feel some compassion from others who have suffered similar things. No two people are the same, no two experiences the same, but there are many things that are shared and will be fully accepted and understood.
The big thing for you now is to start really looking after yourself. It is a recovery path all for you – you are not the addict, but you have been badly affected by the addiction to gambling and all that goes with it. Now, try to begin to let go of trying so hard to keep it all together for everyone else and gradually start re-building yourself. Not so that you can go back to being someone you used to be, but so that you can be a strong, healthy, caring woman, who has been transformed by taking a terrible experience and using it as the basis to start something new and fresh. When you concentrate on making yourself well and strong again, your son will also know inside himself that his Mum is going to be all right and that means he is going to be all right too. He is not ‘predestined’ to gamble in the future; his past is one major thing in his life so far, but his present and future can be built up with different influences and he can live well, as you can.
I hope this does not sound all too far beyond reach of where you are now. It all starts with one small step and bit by bit you will make a new life. It is not easy, but it will be worth it and you will be well supported here on the Forum and in Support Groups (live online), if you can make it to them.
Keep posting and I wish you strength and courage as you step out to a different way of living your own life.

Monique