Welcome. I hope you will find the help and support YOU need. When you love someone who gambles, your mind is full of their needs and the desire to protect them etc. This is how things are. But one of the vital things to do is to gradually turn your thoughts and efforts into looking after yourself and your own needs. This is not selfish, it is wise and essential. Addiction hurts the person who is addicted, but can (as you know too well) also hurt others very badly, especially those who really care. So do ask yourself what is best for you – when you are protected and safe, you will be stronger and, when the time is right, you will be able to help the one you love in the best way, if he truly wants help.
I hope this makes sense.
Regarding the winnings – my thoughts are that things can change very quickly in the context of gambling and we don’t know what the situation is at this moment in time. You could offer the sensible advice that the winnings are given to someone else for safety, but it will be up to your partner whether he acts on this advice and sticks with it. Once you have given the advice, it will be good if you can try your best to ‘leave it be’; try not to keep agonizing over it.
Do keep posting here (it might be a bit quiet over the holidays, but I hope you will get some good replies) and read the posts from others in similar situations. Look for the F&F Support Groups and join in those, if you can. And do some nice things for yourself and others you love. It can be hard to turn your thinking around, but it is important to look after you, too. Ultimately this is best for everyone.
Best wishes.
Monique
