#1319
monique
Participant

Yes, life with a cg ‘can really suck’. I hope it has helped expressing your feelings here, where they WILL be heard and understood.

I think it is a really difficult one to grasp and then to put into practice, but it is worth it for your sanity – that is, the acceptance that it can be just plain useless trying to talk rationally and sensibly with your cg and to have expectations that he will ‘take in’ what you say and how you feel. He SHOULD do these things and you deserve to be heard and understood, but whilst addiction is active, these things don’t happen. In early recovery, a cg is also usually unable to ‘give’ to others.

So it is to save yourself further anguish that people advise you not to get mad etc – your feelings and thoughts are completely valid and understandable, but it’s just that a cg is not the person who can meet the needs you have right now. If you don’t expect this support from him, you will, hopefully, not feel so frustrated and angry??

Instead, go back again to what YOU can do for YOU (and also go back to other sources of genuine support and understanding, of course). Separate yourself and your needs from him in your mind and look after YOU. How can you do that? What things, unrelated to him, will help you right now? What do you want to do, to enjoy etc, just for you? It doesn’t have to be anything big but just something(s) for you.

Wishing you well,

Monique