Although I would wish that none of the sons mentioned in these posts had become cgs and that none of you mums had to suffer the consequences of this, I AM really glad that you have started writing here now. Welcome and I hope you find the support you need and the path to living your own healthy lives.
I have recently started volunteering with GT – I am a psychotherapist/counsellor by profession, but I came here first as a mum with a cg son, when I was feeling desperate. Unlike Velvet, I cannot yet say that my cg now lives in control of his addiction, but I can say that I am in a better place myself. I did not think it possible to get beyond that sense that my well-being was inextricably linked with my son ‘recovering’. But it is possible to find a way of living well along with partner and other family members, whilst the cg has still not chosen to be gambling-free. It is not our ‘ideal’ and is not without sorrow, but it can be a worthwhile and satisfying life.
The mother-child relationship is different, but then every couple is different too. That said, other mums will probably find a special bond with each other. But learn from everyone, including cgs who are working for and achieving a gambling-free life.
You will hear a lot about looking after YOU. That really is a profound and vital message. It’s best for you and, ultimately for the cg, who can only make his choices himself.
Refusing to argue and shout etc is wise – turn away and do something to enhance your own life and you will feel stronger and more in control. You can make decisions for yourself and carry them out, but you cannot force your cg to do anything.
Very best wishes,
Monique (Gambling Therapy Team)