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I’m sorry you find yourself in this position, it is possible to change. As bad as your situation is it can get better.

To get the best support on this forum it’s better to start your own thread.

If you look on the main forum page you will see a link for “new topic”. You may find the support groups a big help over the weekend.

I’m at work so havnt got time to write much more. I hope you get your own thread started. Don’t give up hope there are many successful journeys of recovery that have started off similar to yours.

I wish you well with it, take care.