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It seems I have a lot of reading to catch up on, and perhaps ensure I do on my lap top rather than my tiny cell phone screen as I write here. 

I came back onto the forum last night to deal with my own struggles and relapse. But I came back in this morning to find your thread and check in with how you are doing. 

I gotta say, your writing can be memorizing, your thought process, your words… 

Dude I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a recent relapse. And how you describe how you don’t like who you become when you bet, resonates with me hugely. I looked in the mirror last week, in the middle of an epic downhill spiral with relapse and substantial money lost, and I was ashamed with what I saw. I used to be a kind of attractive girl who would look after herself, carry herself with a simple happy pride. What I saw was terrible hair, lines of stress on my face, eyes filled with anxiety and underlined with huge bags. I’ve noticed that the relationships around me have been strained and I’ve caught myself lying to others to cover up who I really currently am. 

It’s a version of me that I do not like, and I have given it far too much power. 

Like you don’t like what you become I encourage you to read back over many of your support messages to others and remind yourself of the epic human being you actually are. 

Bloody proud of you for going along to the group, if I read that correctly above? I’ll do more reading later of your journey but wanted to send you hugs, smiles and cheeky high fives from New Zealand as I straighten myself back out and begin day one again of being gamble free. 

Keep writing dude, you’ve got a special gift and I believe it will be helping you.