Hey Velvet,
Thanks again for sharing your wisdom.
It has been a very intense couple of days, but nice that it is so because of honesty as opposed to further issues that my addiction could have caused if I didn’t confront.
I am very mindful of my wife’s recovery and mindset through this time and beyond – as I alluded to earlier, the addiction continued to allow me to believe that I was protecting her by not sharing the level of debt when in fact it just wanted to continue the misery. Being honest has set us both free to be able to work toward recovery.
Thankfully today, my wife has informed me that she started to take some steps to protect herself and seek advice. I am proud of her for doing so. I have actively encouraged her to do so and have shared each thread and response that I am receiving from this forum with her. If I can assist her in anyway to understand my addiction further and set herself free from my addiction I should think that be a positive start for us. I have caused her so much pain and I have suffered the internal pain for far too long. I will encourage her to create her own account and seek advice /further learning from peers that have also been in her position.
My wife has never, in my mind, enabled my addiction. I don’t blame her at all for where I am at. I purely was not strong enough to help me or her due to my fear. That has now been overcome.
I attended GA this evening and spent considerable time with my sponsor discussing the events of the past 48 hours. Was most helpful and I received further insight as to what to expect from here on in as I realise the emotional journey will now encompass various transformations between anger, resentment, confusion, understanding, clarity and reassurance. I have had a long time in active addiction, I now have plenty of time to understand and implement recovery!
Most of all, it is action time For me…words are no longer enough. My wife really surprised me with her approach which sounded somewhat similar to many of the comments I have seen posted from other partners of CG’s on this site. She suggested I come up with the financial plan moving forward in relation to MY debts. She wanted me to own it, make the plan and discuss it with her. Straight away this told me that she is absorbing the advice on this site. The opposite would have been for her to take control of it, control the situation thus not allowing me to take responsibility for the state of affairs. In essence she removed herself from my addiction whilst at the same time offering me support. This was hugely encouraging to me and most appreciated. I have now started to work on this plan.
I will keep posting, reading and learning. I want to gain as much understanding and seek as much advice from my peers as possible is order to build my strength in recovery.
I know that this will be with me forever, I am under no illusions about that. However, I also take great hope from those on this forum, my friends at GA and my support network that there is a better way of life and it is achievable.
Thanks again Velvet and I do hope you get to chat with my wife at some stage should she wish to join the forum.
Rob