respect your comment but you didn’t got my point.
for me i can’t live in (Solitary confinement ) to protect my self from relapsing. but I can give my self a bit of freedom under limits.
remember here we are not talking about whether to gamble again or no, we both know the answer is no. We are talking about adding more freedom that will let me gain more confident and well let me live a normal life, and that comes with the temptations that may lead to gambling again. in another way reducing the road blockers a bit as I progress in the recovery.
knowing and admitting that I am a gammbler and I will never give the full control over all my money to my self. I have control only in a very small amount of my money and this is alone is enough for me and will prvent me from lossing it all if I relapsed.
here I must add also I disagree with you regarding (all the relapses are the same). no they are not.
there is a difference I have have relapsed many times before, in fact i don’t mind to relapse once each 3 month and lose only a 100$ for example for the rest of my life. compared to relapse once every year and lose every thing I have each time.
if you have a very small amount under your desposal and the rest of your money is controlled and protected, and you have relapsed, the relapse will not go far it will stop once you lose all the money that is under your disposal in it is maximum. it will annoy you but it will not breaks you, your bills will be payed and you will still have the financial security that your protected money is giving you.
compare this with a person having a full control over his money, you don’t know when the game will stop, most likely it will end once he lose every thing. but if this (every thing that you have under your disposal) is only a smalll part of your mony then this what i mean by a controled relapse.
final i hope you can see that I am trying to push my recovery limits a bit, today I have reched the 165th day. and i am not going to live in (a state of fear in a Solitary confinement ) for the rest of my life such life is not worth living.
a controlled limit of freedom may be the solution for me. I am not advocationg this or asking any one to do the same i am recording here what i am doing and i don’t know what my next post will carry it may be a sucsses or a controlled relapse but i am sure that i am protected from a deep relapse since the protection stratigy is already in place.