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#4728
dadda
Participant

Hi, I’m not going to say too much but I will say that I have been in a similar place, only I didn’t know there was a gambling problem. A long time ago, he went with me to a therapy appointment. When I later told him the doctor thought he seemed a little depressed, that enraged him. There was NOTHING wrong with him!

I know other people here can explain some of this pretty well, but I can say that with all the regular responsibilities you have to take care of, plus all the “abnormal” ones created by addiction, you are probably pretty tired and frazzled, at least some of the time! Burned out, in other words. Instead of having a partner to share the load, you end up doing more and also having to not only try to meet your own emotional needs and also, the additional emotional baggage created because of the addiction.

First off, though, it’s NOT your fault! You didn’t create the addiction nor can anything you do “fix” it or make it go away. I was in therapy (and misdiagnosed) for several years before things got better (I regained my self-confidence and ability to be assertive). Had I known about the gambling problems, it probably would have been faster.

I was divorced from him and ended up back there because of our children, still not knowing about the gambling, but I DID then have skills and coping mechanisms (healthier) that the next five years were not draining on me, plus the things that he was doing (that were abusive or demeaning towards our children) I was able to deflect or defuse.

No matter WHAT decision(s) you make, there are likely to be repercussions of some type. You may never know if you made the “right” or “best” decision(s) but I think the thing that will help you most is being at peace with the decisions, and that is most likely if you can recover your emotional health and peace of mind, plus get as much information as possible before you make your decisions.

Again, the addiction and its consequences are NOT your fault; in fact, you are very likely a “hero” if things could be realistically seen – all the things that you have dealt with and so on, and you are still functioning … plus you are recognizing your own needs and limits.

I’m not sure what resources are available to you, but an environment where you can get some of the emotional health restored and things that have crept into your mind as a result of the addiction sorted out and put in their proper place would likely be of great benefit. Recognition of some of the emotional ploys CG uses (and knowing truth – about those ploys and about yourself) are also likely to be of help to get your emotional equilibrium back and maintain it.

I’m hoping and wishing you the very best for the future, because I have been in a similar place and I do KNOW things can be better!