Great for seeking support here. Admitting you have a problem to yourself is a great first step. Now my next advice would be to tell your family members.
“You are only as sick as your secrets” springs to mind.
There are three things that keeps you into gambling.
Take away one of these and gambling becomes difficult. Take away two and becomes even harder. Take away all three and it is impossible.
Regarding what would life be if I had not gambled. Well that’s an easy one. You don’t know, and you will never find out. It is out of your control now. The future is the only thing you will be able to change.
Why forget the pain and stupidity? These are valuable lesson in life and we should learn from them. This doesn’t mean you should suffer indefinitely from your actions.
But John Wick springs to mind : “Every action has consequences” and we should face them, not run from them.
Keep strong and keep posting