Hi AAA
I have been fortunate to see many, many stories with happy outcomes but unfortunately those member’s posts are not current. Understandably F&F who come out of the shadow of addiction have no need to go back under it or keep writing in our forum – they have good lives to lead and they no longer post, which is as it should be.
I do have one happy story that I can relate to you and that is my own. The CG in my life was active for 25 years and for 23 of those years I had no idea what was wrong with him – I knew nothing about an addiction to gamble. He reached an age where the damage he had wrought was excessive and we were estranged. I don’t know why on a particular day he reached his mental rock bottom and determined to change his life. I told him, during a painful phone call, about support that I had only just heard about but he still insisted he was ok and not gambling. Two and a half hours later he called to say he had asked for that support and a couple of weeks later he went into rehab.
It wasn’t an easy time. He had a fight with his demons, the like of which I can only imagine while I had my fight with doubt, confusion and fear – the yo-yo spun uncontrollably every day.
He has now been living a wonderful gamble-free life for 12 years. He insists that I accept that he is a CG (compulsive gambler) who can never gamble responsibly. I can live with this and I gave up my fears years and years ago. I trust that he will look after the life he now treasures and he trusts me that I will not dwell in the past but use it for reference only. We never have a need to rake over the active gambling years.
It is one day at a time, particularly in the early weeks and months and that applies to both of you. Communication is so important – talking about things that are not gambling related is wonderful. I think it is probably wise in these early days not trust him because for a time he will not be able to trust himself. I do believe it is ok to have some hope when a CG accepts his addiction and begin to act responsibly. I suspect you will be waiting for him to mess up for a whiile and I can only hope, along with you, that he will succeed for himself and thereby for you.
I think the best thing I ever did, when he had completed his counselling programme, was to ask him to help me to get things right. He took time to talk, I suspect because he didn’t trust that I could or would ever understand him. While he was seeking support I began to learn about his addiction and I was prepared to listen in a way I had probably never done before.
I hope some of this helps but please keep posting.
Velvet