I am not surprised you cried on your way home from the airport – it was probably a release of different emotions and needed a good cry.
Your husband has gone away with tools he didn’t possess before, enough money to feed him and a back up to make sure he doesn’t starve for a few days. I am really pleased that ‘he’ bought the notebook – it is his personal journal and he made the effort to kick-start that journal by making the purchase. As you know so clearly now, I cannot tell you what to do but if it was me I would be careful not to nag too much about whether or not he has been writing his thoughts and actions for each day. It is time for him to grow up and do this for himself. I think that gentle interest is ok occasionally but I hope he realises that this journal is for him and his mind – it is not to set his worried wife’s mind at rest. The addiction to gamble is totally selfish and the early control of the addiction has to be completely selfish too. You do not need Dumbledore’s Pensieve to read his memory – you will get your answers in his behaviour because a person who puts this particular burden down is a lot lighter and it is visible.
However as you so rightly say ‘now’ is the time to work on you. I am hoping that in the short time you have not been visible on the site you have been doing things for yourself and enjoying the freedom of not having the addiction in your face. The time that your husband will be away on this trip will be a drop in the ocean compared to the time you will have gamble-free in the future so use it wisely.
I want to hear action on the home-front Adele – lovely gentle enjoyable action, nothing pressurised. This is ‘your’ time.
I know we will speak soon but in the meantime – my thoughts are with you