I only have a minute but I wanted to say I have been following your thread and wanted you to know I understand. My husband did the EXACT same thing – no matter what business trip they sent him on, the first thing he would do is look around to see what casinos were near by (and near by meaning within 8 hrs??). He would even on purpose fly into another further away airport , go to the casino , then drive 3 hrs to get to the job site. I would beg him to not go – it became a joke because he would never listen to me and agreed to “not spend too much money”. And same thing as with you, since we paid our bills and have a roof over our heads, he thought it was fine and convinced me *sort of* it was fine. But not really. Once he had a meeting in southern california – he wanted to fly into Vegas on a red eye (from east coast where we live), gamble all nite then drive the 5-6 hrs to the job site!! That is crazy but he didn’t see it – I had to scream at him to not do this – but he DIDN”T GET IT! My point only is that until they realize and accept that they have a problem, they wont get it – and they wont stop. I am not sure if my husband has gotten it yet, but (according to him) he has been gambling sober since mid July – who knows if its true.
I am not sure if this helps but I wanted you to know I have been there and truly understand – the addiction makes YOU feel like the crazy one – and until he realizes he has a problem, Velvet is right that all you can do is care for you and make your own choices. Not enable his bad ones. It is hard.
I have the same issue in a way with my kids -our therapist told me I want “too much” for them to be happy – so I bend over backwards and do everything for them – and guess what? they are spoiled. And it is my fault. I need to be able to say NO and not feel guilty. Same with my husband.
**Wanting to take care of and help others at the expense of yourself helps no one**
I hope this came across as supportive and helpful – that is truly how I meant it. I am trying to rush out the door but had to comment on your post. I hear you and I am with you and support you. Go do something nice for yourself and let your husbands choices go.
with loving thoughts
XOXO
M