Hi Ali
Playing the detective is incredibly wearing and frustrating and I think most of us who have experienced this method of trying to understand, or discover, have been very glad to stop doing it, as it is not part of who we are – but more a part of what the addiction has turned us into.
What information has put you between a rock and a hard place? Is this a discovery that he has been gambling or is it knowledge of the addiction that you think he does not possess?
What is your friend doing about his addiction? Is he attending GA, seeking counselling or what? It is not enough for you to lend an ear, he has to want to stop gambling enough to turn words into action.
A healthy desire to know about the addiction to gamble is not the same as delving into a friend’s private time and finances and I am concerned that such behaviour will boomerang back painfully. It is my belief that it is important to be completely honest with a CG because returning ‘like for like’ is, I think, counter-productive. When my CG started his gamble-free life the strangest thing for me was to realise that he had to learn to trust me – I had assumed the greatest lack of trust would be mine but it was not so. A CG’s world is full of mistrust, it emanates from them and it surrounds them. To take the leap of faith that is required to live a gamble-free life it is, my opinion, beneficial for the CG to know that that those around them are honest, or how else can they learn?
I hope some of this helps.
Speak soon.
Velvet
