Hi all
Thank you Harry for finding my thread, it was a bit shocking to see the ‘4 years 3 months’…….surely it cant be that long since I first joined this wonderful community.
So, life…..its busy. I am dealing with my mum at the nursing home, my sister and I are kind of tag teaming every night of the week to see her after dinner. It can be exhausting, I am never sure how she is going to be when I get there….my last visit she was in tears saying that she had a big fight with my stepdad (he hadn’t been there that day). It hasn’t been fun to say the least, my mind is reeling, should she be there, was it too soon, would she be better off at home, it goes on and on. I have to say my addiction is kind of helpful in the respect that I am still able to put things to the back and not think about them, I am still able to find that zone out place…….I just don’t need to gamble to do it. Im not sure if its a good thing or not but its how I am coping and I don’t know how to do it any other way…….yet.
I wont lie, there have been urges, times of stress feed my addiction and it starts to whisper. I have managed to push it away so far. I try and get busy, not think about it, call someone…..all the tools I have learnt here. Im sure I have used each and every one of them. Thankfully my exclusion is still in place and I am of the firm belief that it will remain that way for a long long time. Im not sure what will be next, i have no grand plans (except for my daughters wedding next year, another financial stress). I do know that i will keep aware, that i will not allow my addiction to creep back, that i will do all i can to keep myself safe. One day at a time, i cant do any more than that. Hope you are all well and happy, thanks for reading, K xxxxx
