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#4354
Jilly1
Participant

Hi andi,
I was away with work for a few days and my work laptop has security settings that won’t let me get on this site. I wish the technology would understand that the focus is on ‘therapy’ not ‘gambling’ 🙂
You asked me how I knew about OCD. I had a very close school friend who had it although I didn’t pick up on it so much when we were young and it wasn’t as bad as it got after she had her son. It was linked to hygiene etc. she was also anorexic for a time. Her father was an alcoholic gambler which isn’t a good combination. She never told us that until much later in life, as is so often the way he was a respected member of the community and she felt she had to protect him. She has got better later in life and the OCD doesn’t have the same grip on her now. It really did restrict her life at times.
I struggled writing some stuff here at first. I seem to be a lot more relaxed about it now but can still have my moments of feeling I have exposed too much. The support group session is a very good place for saying things more privately that may be too difficult to write here. There is a high level of understanding, support and trust there.
I know the worried sick feeling. I still have the legacy of an anxiety thing…..which is why I am awake now writing this at 5am! I often wake with a feeling of dread/fear that it takes me a while to get under control. The anxiety almost feels like a physical pain in my chest. I long to feel at peace with the world and not fearful but maybe it is a bit of a habit now. I think about trying to get some help with it but am hoping that as circumstances change it may fade.
Well even if we have OCD, anxiety, quirks of personality or any other human failing it still does not mean that we have to allow a gambling addiction to control our lives. It is that same distorted way of thinking that enables things like domestic violence. Women – and it generally is women feel on some level they don’t deserve better treatment. But that’s a whole other area I guess.
I think I saw Velvet suggest on Eva’s site that she should do something nice for herself each day. I think that is great advice. It is treating ourselves well and also keeping something of ourselves separate from the CG. Maintaining our own identity is very important.
When I get to work I often treat myself to a delicious warm scone and coffee from the canteen and when it seems a bit extravagant I tell myself I’m worth it. It sets my day up nicely.
Ha I have just re read that….a scone extravagant!!! I’m sure you understand the thinking behind that…the compensating for their financial recklessness by restricting your own expenditure.
Madness.
Jilly