I believe that you too are only just becoming fully aware of the severity of your addiction. Acceptance is hard but it is a big step towards control.
Your boyfriend cannot help but be further behind in understanding the severity of your addiction. Almost certainly he will never fully understand but it won’t matter as long as you are willing to help him.
The problem with non-CGs is that we want to help but usually we do everything wrong for all the right reasons. In ignorance we enable – for me it has been my CG’s understanding of his addiction, which he has shared with me, that has given me the ability to do the right thing. However, it would be too simple to suggest he found disclosing himself to me to be easy – it took time and a great deal of patience and trust on both sides.
You will not be able to trust your boyfriend to support you properly until he realises what enablement is – but of course in letting him in, you will close the door further on your addiction – an addiction that wants you to keep the door slightly ajar, just in case….. Be prepared for him to make mistakes but more importantly try not to blame him when he gets it right!
I often suggest that CGs ask the person most likely to enable them to pop into an F&F group on a Tuesday evening, but if this is not something you would like, maybe you could get some literature to help him understand – I am sure our Helpline would supply you with this.
I lived with the confusion of compulsive gambling in my life for 25 years and it was only in the final 2 that I had any knowledge of the addiction to gamble. Even then I struggled and in all honesty, I didn’t believe it. Gamanon saved me – but the biggest eye-opener was when we were invited into a GA meeting. All the things my CG had said to me were being said by others and the amazing things was that they didn’t have 2 heads, they were not arch-criminals, they were ordinary, articulate, intelligent good human beings – I was blown away. That is why I believe it is so good to talk to those who understand our individual experience.
I cannot tell you what to do but if you feel there is something special between you and this man in your life, I suggest you let him in as far as you can because regardless of what is often said, non-CGs are capable of great understanding when they are given direction and support.
If you accept your boyfriend’s help with your home it would give you the security you need to move forward but it is undoubtedly clearing your gambling debts. For his sake and yours, make it clear to him, that taking responsibility and clearing gambling debts is an important part of your recovery and that he is never to clear your gambling debts again
The right support is priceless; you need him to understand the importance of not enabling.
I am sure he will believe at the moment that your addiction is all to do with money – it takes a lot for non-CGs to realise that it is ‘the gamble’ itself that hurts you and your relationship. Without enablement the addiction is starved and that is something he can actively support you with.
I hope some of this helps but if there is anything I write that you don’t agree with or want to discuss further please just say.
I wish you well and I repeat that which I so often write – I would not be here writing to you if I did not ‘know’ that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and terrific lives lived as a result.