Welcome to GT
Life without gambling is possible… ive been here for years and though i have relapsed lots i have learnt lots and i am not steadily moving on in recovery.. the help you will receive here is priceless.. hang in there and dont give up no matter how many attempts it takes.. this can be the beginning of a new life for you.. starting now. There are group chats, one on one helpers and you can vent all you like on your journal. i love your honesty and that you are reaching out to help yourself, you are wanting a better life as are all of us here and we dont judge.. we are all here to find a fulfilling life without gambling. Can you look up gamblers anonymous in your area, they are great support, there is counselling, this site, new hobbies.. try to carry little money with you. Ban if you can from places depending where you are in the world and what state laws are in place.
It is a sneaky cunning addiction and it is very hard for me to now even understand how i did it for so many years the same thing over and over and over but that is what addiction is but it can be the end of those days for you.. just one day at a time.. just get up in the morning and say i wont gamble today, or this hour, just get through small chunks of time at a time and fill your day, plan your day. Distract those thoughts of gambling, dont let them build in your head.. hang out here, get to know people, we will be with you and know you are never alone, you have found us.. we are all in this together.
P