Hi Angela
That post must have taken a lot out of you to write and I’m really glad that you had the strength to do it – well done.
I would say that feeling sorry for a person with the addiction to gamble and then hating their guts is probably a very normal reaction. I think it is also normal to hope they will disappear – anything in fact that doesn’t involve more of the same cycle of events.
You sound numbed by his behaviour but you are wanting to change and I think you are in the best place to talk about how to go about making that difference to your life – certainly you are in the right place for support for you. I agree, full-heartedly, that you deserve better.
Resentment for the sacrifices you made will not help you recover. I know it is difficult not to say ‘what if’ or ‘if only’ but I know from experience that no ‘what ifs’ or ‘if onlys’ make a scrap of difference, you are where you are now and it is what you do know that matters. I believe that it is possible to turn the experiences that have hurt you into something constructive for your future and for the future of your children – I wouldn’t be writing to you now if this wasn’t true.
Please put aside any thought that you sound like a broken record because you are not. I appreciate you say his family would not have him which implies they have also suffered from his addiction but do you think they have completely washed their hands of him – do you have any allies in his family at all and if so would they support you in making a joint real stand against his behaviour?
Has your husband ever accepted he has an addiction or sought any help?
I will leave my first reply to you there Angela and await your replies. I have seen many outcomes in this forum over the years and I don’t know what yours will be but your recovery is paramount here and I am determined you will survive this.
You did make a dent in explaining the damage your husband’s addiction has inflicted on his family and I have a pretty good idea how devastating the rest of the wreckage is.
You are no longer alone. It would be great to ‘meet’ you in the F&F group on Tuesday between 20.00-21.00 hours UK time.
Velvet
