Hi Berto
I am so pleased that your wife is now fully aware of the problem that you have. It is so important, I think, that she now has the support to recover her own self-esteem and confidence which I know will have been severely dented.
The reason I struggled for 25 years Berto was because I am a private person who believed that love would conquer all if I just hung in long enough – for 23 years I told nobody what was going on in my life, so I understand your wife’s feelings and I do hope she will join me tomorrow evening.
The addiction makes fools of us all – we know we are intelligent and yet we have not seen something destroying us right under our noses. I am sure you would have been aware long before your wife could possibly have known, that your addiction was active and dangerous but your pride would have done everything it could to hide your shame from your wife. The fact that there is nothing to be ashamed about in having this addiction is something we all have to learn I think.
I am delighted for you that she is standing by you but I do know there will be ups and downs and that her recovery will be difficult too. I always internalised far too much (probably still do) but of course in doing so we run the risk of hearing only our own thoughts going round and round, bouncing off the walls of our minds, with no answers that make sense.
I know you can not only just lead a better life, you can lead a life that is very special as a result of controlling this addiction – keep posting, stay close to your support – I wish you well.
Velvet
