Hi Berto
I am replying to the thread you put in the F&F forum.
I hope you understand that I cannot tell you what to do but if you believe that the only way you can change your life is to be honest with your wife then, in my opinion, it is the only way forward for you. By controlling your addiction you give your loved ones the chance of a better future,
With understanding of the addiction many F&F become fantastic supports. I take it that your wife knows you go to GA twice a week – does she go to Gamanon? What support has she had with coping with your addiction? Did she talk to anybody about her worries when you were in rehab?
My story is that I unwittingly enabled for 25 years and a large part of my life, therefore, was controlled by an addiction I didn’t own. I reacted to the knowledge, when I was finally made aware, with anger and distrust but through Gamanon I learned to understand – and it is that understanding that F&F need to survive. Like you, my CG went through rehab and it took a long time but very, very gradually we built up trust. I needed to understand but I also needed understanding – after all there was no programme to help me cope. He helped me understand Berto and that is why I am here talking to you. However that is ‘my’ story and of course I cannot guarantee your wife’s reaction although I would imagine it will be one of confusion and probably anger but I suspect you must know this already.
F&F link love and trust together as indissoluble so when trust is broken, love is doubted and they struggle more with the lies and secrecy than they do with any loss of money – that is something you will have to work hard on to repair.
This is possibly not the answer you wanted to hear but I can only speak from my own experience and the knowledge I have gained from other F&F.
Have you discussed the fact that your didn’t embrace your recovery 100% with your outreach worker – you will not have been the first to hold back but I believe that now is the time for you to be honest. Good support comes with understanding.
Whatever you decide to do Berto I wish you well. Your wife would be welcome in the F&F forum and particularly in the F&F group where she can communicate freely with those who understand her, just as this forum and CG groups understand you.
Velvet
