Hi Brownie
I’m glad you found this forum and site because I think you will find your answers and maybe know which way you want to handle matters.
What I cannot do is tell you what to do – what we do on this forum is give you knowledge of the addiction to gamble which will help you cope.
My CG’s (compulsive gambler) addiction was/is also poker – I say was because it was poker that brought him down and I say ‘is’ because he lives in control of his addiction. Like your partner he believed he could be a professional poker player.
The addiction to gamble is not about money – it is purely about the ‘gamble’ – a CG is a person who cannot walk away from that gamble until, usually, all is lost – this can be from the smallest monetary denomination to a house, children, marriage, everything.
When a CG loses, he/she loses self-belief and self-confidence and this can cause depression and anger resulting in poor behaviour such as lying and manipulation of those around them. Lies become a tool for survival and loved ones become the hoped for enablement. The lies and manipulation cause poor communication resulting in loss of friends; divided families and disinterest in other activities.
A possible way for you to access the depth of your partner’s interest in poker is to access the Gamblers anonymous website – gamblersanonymous.co.uk and download their ‘20 Questions’. It is a yardstick and not 100% but I have found it to a good starting point for those, like you, who are unsure. I also think it is good for the person with the potential problem to tick the boxes too as many CG do not appreciate they have a problem that is recognised and for which there is of masses of support.
I heard an alarm bell when I read that you believe that his poker ‘it is taking its toll’ so I think it is good that you have sought support. In my opinion it is good for potential CGs to know that their loved one has sought support too because to me it shows a determination to stand against the addiction and not against the gambler.
I will leave it there and wait for you to write again. I know there are professional gamblers and gambling is being pushed at us from all sides these days. It is a minefield and you have done well realising the danger exists.
Velvet
