It is best that you get support for yourself as you are dealing with many issues and I hope my honestly about what you have written will make you think about your life. I don’t want to seen grim, but I don’t see how your life will change if you don’t change.
For some reason you have this urgency to want everything now; almost like you want it to happen so you can’t change your mind, or maybe you really know it is not right. I do understand your desire to have children as I had my desires to, but at the right time and in the right situation. Your situation is too unstable now, and I believe deep down you know this too, of course I don’t mean to hurt you by writing this, but my stomach churns just to think what a distaster it would be to have a child in your current situation. Bringing a child in an unstable enviroment and unhealthy family unit is giving them a huge setback in life. Of course, no one or family is perfect, but to have a husband who rather live in a car than be home is saying alot. Just think of your child seeing daddy sleeping in front of the house because he likes it better. I think this is a blessing that your husband is living in the car and giving your space, you should take this time to reflect on your life and not just pleasing him and begging him back. We are all here to be happy and to live our lives to our fullest, this does not mean that we are a puppet to someone else.
Raising a child with two parents at home is difficult enough, but for you or anyone to think it it can be done alone, if needed, just shows how you don’t know how difficult it is. Of course, not only should a child come to a loving family, but there should be means to raise a child. Will your husband be able to provide or will you have to get a job and get the baby what it needs? There is alot to think about.
Love isn’t suppose to hurt and it is not just one sided. GIve your husband some breathing room and take this time to focus on yourself. Helping yourself is in ways helping your husband, but again you are the one who is important.
You say you are not worried about his gambling, which is scary as this addiction only gets worst with time. It demands more and if your husband hasn’t been serious about his recovery than you can only expect the worst. Also, think of the children, they will be dragged down by this addiction. Please don’t think your husband will change once a child comes in the picture because nothing will ever make them change. If anything you will be in a worst spot and a child’s wellbeing in on the line.
Hope you can see that I am writing not to hurt you but for you to open your eyes to what you are really dealing with. You deserve a good life and once you let go of the idea that he is the only person that can give you this, you will see that you are the one who can only do this. Don’t jump into something that will be very difficult to get out of. Your future children deserve more.