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Hi Caroline
In my opinion, telling a friend will be a release for you. I suggest you both have a coffee in front of you and you are sitting comfortably together, then take a deep breath and just come out with it ‘Mary I need to tell you that Fred is a compulsive gambler’. I would be surprised if she didn’t immediately ask what that means and then maybe you could tell her a little of what it means to you, Don’t worry if you cry, I remember the first time I said it I choked on the words. It took weeks to get them out but having done so the relief was fantastic. How far you go with what you tell her will probably depend on her reaction – I have found many people are genuinely interested and a few remain totally blank, which is not surprising, as you and I know, it is hard to believe.
I feel that this would be a good step for you to take towards ‘your’ recovery. Your recovery is so important Caroline, not just for you and your sons but for your partner also.
When your partner is calm, maybe you could talk to him about feeing afraid when he is throwing things around – if he is not a violent person he may be shocked to hear he has scared you.
I think you are right when you say that your partner has got used to you being an enabler over the years – I suspect he is confused by the change in you and in frustration appears to have caused chaos for a reaction. ‘If’ you are ever afraid, however, please leave the home and seek help – the Women’s Aid can advise you on what support is available.
I will leave it there for tonight Caroline but please keep talking. I hope to ‘see’ you tomorrow in the group.