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#5679
velvet
Moderator

Hi CC
I read your post late last night and have been thinking about it ever since in the hope that I can give you a reply that will support you in the right way.
It is hard to know with mental health what comes first but as you say he has been suffering for at least as long as his gambling I think you are doing the right things addressing his gambling.
A lot, if not all, of what you describe is the experience I had and in my opinion CGs, counsellors and psychiatrists are not the people to approach unless they are recommended to you as dedicated addiction counsellors. CGs can blind side those without experience making those who love them appear fools. All the approaches that I made sent me off on the wrong tangents – they couldn’t hear what I was saying because they were too busy looking for the mental problem/fault in me. Going off in the wrong directions over and over again causes you to lose your self-esteem and confidence as surely as your son’s problems do and all the while the addiction within your son laughs because they have helped his cause.
I recognise your son’s lack of emotional attachment but I would not be writing you if I didn’t know that such a lack does not always means there is no attachment.
You seem to be shouldering this battle on your own, is your son’s father united with you?
You appear to have 3 sons and they appear to have differing relationships with each other. I have brought up my thread on ‘siblings’ which I hope will help you a little.
I didn’t find your post jumbled waffle. I am finding that my reply to you is somewhat jumbled and I hope that given time we will learn to understand each other.
I hear so much discord in your family which must be confusing you terribly and causing you to feel very alone, I hope you will feel less alone knowing that on this forum you are understood and that your experiences have been felt by others who have gone on to live successfully lives without the addiction to gamble controlling them.
Are you afraid of your son? Are his brothers afraid of him? What support do you have on the ground? Maybe you could try and find a Gamanon group in your area – it is wonderful to physically sit with others who understand you. It takes courage to walk through the door of a Gamanon meeting but for me it was my salvation.
I hope that you have protected your finances; I suspect you already know that the £2000 that was stolen is unlikely to ever be returned and it is a waste of your energy trying to retrieve it.
Your son is seeking to blame you because he doesn’t understand what is happening to him and he is not prepared to shoulder responsibility for his poor choices and bad behaviour. He didn’t ask for or want his gambling addiction anymore than you – but having said that, you do not own his addiction and you are therefore stronger than his addiction even if it doesn’t feel like it.
I hope your new job is giving your pleasure and offers a distraction from what your son is doing and saying – it is important that you keep ‘your’ head in a good place. If it was me I would not take my mobile to work with me – is this something you would consider?
The addiction to gamble is incredibly exhausting and I will send this post now and await your reply so that I can understand further the problems you are facing. I started my journey of recovery without a hope in the world so I know you can not only survive this but survive it well.
Well done on what must have been a really difficult first post.
Speak soon you are being heard
Velvet