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#27612

Hi Charles, my plan to attend GA meetings didnt materialised. I was so stupid on not doing it that I feel it would have save me money and troubles.

I did some root cause analysis. I tried to ask as many ‘Why’ as I can until I get an answer which can’t be asked by a ‘Why’.

Problem 1:

Why do I experience Financial Challenges?
(Beacuse I lose all my money in the casino.)
Why do I lose all the time?
(Because I don’t want to stop and I have no power to stop when I am in the Craps table)
Why do you behave like that?
(Because I did not believe that I can’t control my level of Gambling. I believed that I can get my losses back.
Why do I have that belief?
This I can’t answer as I don’t know the answer.

Problem 2:

Why did I have to loan big amount of money?
(I feel the need to get back all the previous money that I lost. I also wanted to cover up my trouble from my from relatives.) Why do I hide my problem and why do you want to get the losses back?
(Because I was brought up to never make any mistake. Also I have loans that I need to pay)
Why do I believe that I can get my losses back so I can pay my loans?
(This I can’t answer anymore)

And so here are my unusual beliefs;

I believe that I can win the lost money back.
I believe that I can payoff my loans by winning in the casino.

Now that I am not inside the Casino, I know that my beliefs are the following;
 
I COULD NEVER WIN MY LOSSES BACK. THE ODDS ARE AGAINST ME AND IN THE LONG RUN, I WILL STILL END UP AS LOSER.

I COULD NEVER PAYOFF MY LOANS IF I KEEP ON LOSING MONEY IN THE CASINO

But when I have money, I observed that my beliefs shifts back to my ‘normal’ twisted beliefs

I AM A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER. AND WITH THAT MY BELIEFS WILL BE DISTORTED AGAIN ONCE I HAVE THE MONEY.

So here are the triggers that make me go to the Casino.
– I promised my wife that I will buy her our first family car before our wedding anniversary on May. I have some money in investment that she doesn’t know. That money I will use for the car. I gambled because I am selfish and I didn’t want to use this investment money. I believe that I can use my paycheck as funds for the casino. Losses I didn’t realised at first but it mounted up that I didn’t realised that my losses is enough to buy a car on December last year.

– My loan from my friends have also ballooned up starting December last year. Small loans but that’s equivalent to 2 months worth of paycheck.

Unless I stick to my beliefs when I am skint, I won’t be able to resolved ny problems. 🙁

I’m in depressed mode right now. I know I need to ban my self in the Casinos but I don’t have the strenght yet. I feel I need to confess I again to my wife of all the things that I have done.