Hi Chedum

You have had a few great repl ies and it would be really good to get an update. It is very difficult to give ongoing support without feedback and we do want to support you.

Your boyfriend is showing all the symptoms of the addiction to gamble and ‘if’ the therapist did say that which your boyfriend reported back, then that therapist was ignorant of the addiction. I say ‘if’ because lying is symptomatic of the addiction and your boyfriend was possibly trying to increase his manipulative arsenal. The addiction to gamble is the master of threats and all words from an active CG are, in my opinion, generally subject to embellishment.

The apologies, tears and promises to change, are all part of the cycle of compulsive gambling. I am not judging because we are all in the dark, at the beginning, with this addiction but I am glad to read you are not accompanying him anymore.

I cannot tell you what to do but many F&F hang in bel ieving, as you do, that their loved one will sink deeper if they are not there for them. I will never tell you to go or to stay, all ultimate decisions have to be yours but you cannot save your boyfriend or stop him gambling – there is only one person you can control and save and that is you. It is possible for a person who loves a CG to keep them in their addictive cycle doing everything wrong for all the right reasons, unwittingly enabling the addiction. As I said I cannot judge – I unwittingly enabled for 25 years.

The addiction to gamble is not embarrassing or shameful – it is a condition that devastates those who own it and those who love them.

Please don’t cut your family out. The addiction to gamble unfortunately divides famil ies by feeding on l ies and secrecy. Unless people have lived with the addiction to gamble, their opinions can be very narrow and not supportive. Personally I think it is best to tell others as a statement rather than asking for opinions. You can gather information here so that you can make your own informed decisions with that knowledge but it is better to share – especially as your boyfriend is endangering your future as well as his own.

I am really glad that you wrote your first post, it is a lonely life dealing with someone with this addiction but on this forum you are among those who understand.

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