Hi CraigM & IDI,
I really appreciate What you both said. I totally agree about the big loss. The wins felt great but I kept needing that winning feeling more & more, it was just never enough until I had nothing at all. CraigM, I think it’s so brave of you to come clean and be honest. That must have been such a difficult conversation. How did she react? I have told my husband so many times in my head but I can’t bring myself to, not yet anyway. I know I will have to at some point but I’m just not ready yet.
I’m only on day 6 of being gamble free and I almost placed a bet yesterday. Logged into a new site, went to the deposit page & it didn’t accept PayPal or Apple Pay… Thankfully I didn’t have my bank cards to hand!! After I couldn’t deposit it was a huge relief and after 5 minutes I could have slapped myself, what on earth was I thinking! Well I think & I know I wanted to gamble because I felt in a better place. I have emergency rainy day savings in an account that it takes a few weeks to receive the cash. This money along with returning clothes & jewellery I bought when feeling flush will almost payback what I’m due. Somehow knowing I’ve managed to bail myself out made me think it was okay to gamble. I simply cannot let that happen again. I have no more emergency funds, nothing left to return/sell. At that moment I was trying to deposit it was like last week never happened! How does everyone control themselves in that moment?? I do not want to self destruct any longer.
Apart from almost relapsing yesterday, I do feel a lot better. I’ve been running a lot more which definitely gives me a different type of buzz & I find It very therapeutic (mentally).
Stay strong everyone and sorry for such a long post!