Hi Dadda
I feel, having read your posts and replies to others that you are holding a lot of anger and I am concerned that living with so much pain is neither healthy nor necessary. I appreciate you have done nothing wrong but you are obviously struggling with the outcome of a traumatic divorce. I am sorry to read that you have found your therapy an exercise in futility and would suggest you change your therapist as counsellors do vary and finding the right one is so important – perhaps it is time for you to decide what serves you and what you should let go.
Researching too deeply into a subject without proper direction can lead the unwitting into a mire of misunderstanding and in my experience doesn’t help those who love CGs one jot. I have not found ‘intentional’ malice to be a tool of the CG and suggesting different personality disorders doesn’t help.
You have not been talking to yourself, I have read every post you have written but most of the problems you have described do not come within the remit of this site and as such it is impossible for me (or any member) to comment on the fairness, or otherwise, of US divorce laws or court orders, nor can I comment on your PTSD apart from reiterating that looking after oneself is the most important thing you can do.
I would urge you to seek counselling from those who are properly able to advise you and who can support you as you deserve.
I wish you well