#3703
velvet
Moderator

Hi Dcor
The beauty of a forum such as this is that you can hear many opinions and then act, or not, in accordance with what you want to do – nobody here can, or should, tell you what to do.
I am in agreement with most of Nomore’s post apart from the suggestion that anybody on this site can claim to ‘know’ what is going on with your wife.
Many, many CGs do change their lives and are reluctant to share the process with those who love them. They feel they have changed and made the effort but that those around them have remained the same and will therefore only come out with the same well-worn expressions – so why bother to share? You will find a lot of posts in our CG forum that refer to the inability of the non-CG to understand and whereas I think nobody can understand what it is like to have the addiction I believe it is possible to understand a great deal of what goes on around it but it does take effort.
What if maybe, just maybe, your wife has had the courage to face her demons and change her life – where does that leave you? Full of natural doubt of course, with only a long and painful experience behind you on which you can draw your conclusions. I struggled for quite some time after my CG told me that he had changed his life. I had no hard evidence that he had changed, or not, apartfrom a difference in his overall behaviour – a lightness that had not been there before. However some time after he told me that he no longer gambled I had a doubt about something I could not explain and I thought it safe to ask him. In one short sentence I proved to him that ‘I’ had not changed. Fortunately for both of us his determination was strong and although I rocked the boat we both survived, he leads a gamble-free life and our relationship is built on ‘mutual’ trust.
Not everybody can trust Dcor and many relationships do flounder but what I do wonder and don/t hear in your post, is positive proof that your wife is gambling. This is really only thoughts for you and there is no judgement intended. Is your wife going to GA or seeking help with her addiction?
If you disagree, or agree, with anything you read on this forum please post – we all want the same goal but we do have different ways of going about it – some suit and some do not. It is not complaining, it is our way of making sense of the senselessness in our lives. I think it is important that while you are so full of doubt, it is best to hide your money and pin numbers so that your wife has no access. If she asks why, it is not necessary to get into heavy discussions – maybe you could say that you are trying to appreciate what she is doing and this is your way of supporting her. CGs who do change their lives do appreciate that they are not to be trusted with cash and many do want their finances cared for by another.
I hope this doesn’t confuse Dcor, as I said please post again. I know I am being controversial when I say that ‘I’ believe there are differences between many male and female CG. Your wife is also a mother and if she is lost in her addiction she will be a terribly unhappy person.
I wish you both and your children well.
Velvet