Although it may be true that there is no concrete proof that your wife continues to gamble, there is certainly a considerable amount of evidence pointing in that direction and I also feel that within your gut you have a very good idea of what’s going on here. I am a strong believer in gut instincts and their ability to be spot on, with the proof following at a later date when or if the bomb explodes.
My personal opinion for what it is worth, is that why on earth would you trust her at such an early stage and if she were serious about a recovery – would she honestly expect you to ?
Putting the tremendous amount of, missing cash with no logical explanation for its disappearance, on one side for a moment, do you notice any positive changes about her ? Is she for example seeking any help, small personality changes for the better ?
It is hard when one has a priority of paying bills etc to not feel the need to ask where this money has gone and more so to then be faced with the knowledge that the answer is probably not a truthful one and just to compound the annoyance to be branded as a mistrusting nosy parker ! I remember the feelings well unfortunately.
I know things may work differently there with regards to responsibility for debt and from what you say you may end up being responsible for it – just to add insult to injury but if she continues to rack it up where on earth is it going to end – is there no way of legally limiting yourself from further damage ? I am asking out of complete ignorance, it seems very unfair.
It is difficult, soul destroying, to want so much to believe that things are in some way different from the last time but to also know deep down that they are not.
Don’t beat yourself up over the mind twisting statements made by an addiction, they are perfectly designed to have the effects that you describe almost ‘text book’ its a great pity that the cleverness needed in making them isn’t as yet being channelled into a recovery – or so it would appear.
I guess the ring being there is hurtful – yet another manipulative statement or just a coincidence – who knows. The constant creation of emotional dilemmas, on one hand I understand why you need to keep money for bills but I’m sure there would be a strong temptation to help out with the car rather than see it wasted on a fruitless addiction.
If you have protected yourself as far as you are able financially then what else can you do, short of leaving or asking her to go if it comes to breaking point and biting the financial bullet unless she gets help.
Trust your gut instincts, if you feel that she is gambling then she probably is. There is little point in asking the question because if she is gambling she won’t tell you the truth – so why wind yourself up and why ask a question that you know the answer to, its just giving the addiction a fight and causing you further distress. Actions speak a lot louder than words in these situations.
Keep your chin up and do what you can to protect yourself, you can do no more until you decide that something more needs to be done
I wish you well
Jenny