#3482
velvet
Moderator

Hi Donna
It would have been a gradual decline into addiction, not a sudden change. If a person knew when they gambled that addiction was waiting for them then they would never start – it creeps up and sadly it usually has a terrible hold before the CG (compulsive gambler) and those around them realise what is happening.
It is also a fact that without treatment the addiction does get worse – is it a dedicated addiction counsellor he sees?
It is because we love our CGs dearly that we find ourselves on this site and I hope you will gain strength from knowing you are among friends who understand.
I cannot tell you what to do – it is important that you make your own decisions but I can give you knowledge of his addiction because knowledge will give you the ability to cope and make your own informed decisions. Keep posting and learning there is much to say and much to learn – you are in the right place.
I have brought up my thread entitled ‘The F&F Cycle’ so that you can know that everything you say is understood.
Gambling is not about money, it is the ‘gamble’ that excites the mind of the CG, causing them to gamble until everything is gone because they cannot walk away. Money to a CG is the same as a drink to an alcoholic – a means to an end. What does he gamble on?
You write that ‘you’ are £15000in debt whereas in all probability this is your husband’s gambling debts. I am not splitting hairs but in my opinion, I think it is better for you not to feel this is ‘your’ debt. To control his addiction your husband will have to take responsibility for his debts and his behaviour. It would help if you could set up an account in your sole name to which he had no access – you cannot save your husband, the only person you can save is you and it is important to have barriers in place to protect you and your two children.
Your husband is not a monster who is breaking your heart with ease but he does have an addiction controlling him which I know can be controlled or I would not be writing to you.
I will stop there and maybe speak to you later. When you are standing at a crossroads, I think it is best to do what you have done , which is to seek help for you– stay with the site, I will hold your hand for as long as you want me to do so – the answers will come’
I have a group tonight between 6pm and 7pm where we could communicate in real time if you would care to join me.
Speak soon
Velvet