#3507
velvet
Moderator

Hi Emma
Don’t try reading anything more into the words than ‘he is fine’ and ‘he is where they would expect him to be’.
The battle a CG has, when he/she is learning to control their addiction, in the early days, is a greater battle than I know I will ever have to face. The support workers and counsellors who are taking your partner through the programme understand his battle – they are dedicated to him – they can only hope that you look after yourself, which is what you are doing by asking questions here and learning about your partner’s addiction.
We take feeling ‘normal’ and living a gamble-free life for granted, something denied to the CG. I know only too well how difficult it is to be the one who is waiting but the length of the programme is a mere drop in the ocean compared to the rest of a CG’s life. I appreciate that my waiting is over but I know that for me and my CG a visit would have disrupted him, so whatever you are told, when you ask, always remember that they have to put your partner first – their duty of care has to be to him. Christmas is a little way off, by December you will hopefully be feeling more confident and your partner will be further on in his recovery. He will be learning to take one day at a time and it is a good way for us to live too..
You don’t say whether you have been to Gamanon or not but the following is a quote from the GA/Gamanon booklet which I found helped me immensely before, during and after rehab.

“There are two days in every week about which we should not worry: two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.
The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise or poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.
Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds – but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only; one day – TODAY. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of these two awful eternities – yesterday and tomorrow – that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad – it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us, therefore, LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME.”

It is lovely to hear you are concentrating on your little one – he/she will benefit from the strength that you are finding to cope at this time. Well done
Velvet