I used to believe that the best counsellors were the people who had ‘come through’ the other side and those who could speak from experience, those who really knew, I guess is what i’m saying.

Now as I get a little older I don’t know that I am still such a believer in that theory. Someone who has fully dealt with their issues is one thing ( if an addiction is life long, can it ever be fully dealt with) but a counsellor with an active addiction should really know that they should not be meddling in the minds of another, license or not.

I see two people brought to the helping profesions through their own needs to gain a better life for themselves, a life free from the constraints of addiction, fully aware of the dark places it is possible to go, but seemingly unable to act upon this knowledge.

I think ( and I apologise in advance for my next comments to any counsellor reading ) that they are the worlds best at swapping in to ‘counselling mode’ in defence of their own behavior – it is easy to become the expert and umm and arrr in all the right places without applying the same depth of knowledge and empathy and to apply knowledge to practice in their own lives – these to me are wonky people !!

I guess what i’m saying is physicians can’t heal themselves.

You have done tremendously well in your own recovery and I imagine that you will have had to have been selfish or put yourself first in order to achieve that, you obviously know that this is dragging you down, you recognise the impact that it could have upon you and your children but you love someone else with an addiction.

I would hate to see you go down as he comes back up and this is only my oppinion, when two people are together with similar issues, one holds up the other, as they go up we come down and so it goes on, both of us feeling that we have saved the other, both of us feeling that they too have saved us. Neither realises or practices, should I say that the only person we can ‘save’ is us.

I would urge you to be totally selfish for you at what is a very difficult time, knowledge is great, understanding – fantastic !! gut feelings and acting on them is hard,very hard

I wish you every success in your recovery