nomore 56

Hi Gidge, you will find plenty of emotional support on this site to help you start your own recovery re. your hb’s gambling. I would like to address the more practical side of the addiction issue. It is so hard to make any decisions when being caught up in this mess and dragged down the slippery slope of gambling addiction. You said that you don’t have joined accounts, which is great to begin with. Make sure YOU pay all the necessary bills if your income is enough. Hide your check book, all your cards, whatever can be used to get money. Take his name off your cards and vice versa. Sign up for a credit monitoring service so you will be alerted should your hb make any moves behind your back. You can do this for both of you with his SSN. Get a PO box where he has no access. Don’t give him any money except small amounts for gas, food, etc. He has to give you each and every receipt, no matter how much it is. Try not to engage in arguments about his gambling, the addiction is making all kind of white noise to stay alive. It will rage at you, get angry and mean. It is not your hb talking, try to remember that. No matter what your family sends, cards, checks, cash, he cannot get a hold of anything of it. Check your credit report, his and yours. If you live in a state with community property, you will be responsible for any debt, even if you don’t know it exists. If he wants to go to the tournament, he will have to find a way to finance it himself. Don’t go with him to anything that has to do with gambling, no matter what it is. I’m not sure but don’t think that he gets into trouble for attending GA meetings or seeing a counselor. That would be very weird since he is in recovery from substance abuse. Doesn’t make any sense to me. Check if your state has a council on problem gambling. They have great resources online for groups, counselors, etc. For both, the cg and the family. The most important thing I learned during my 20+ yrs with my gambling hb is to not believe anything. Always check if it is the truth. No matter how. Don’t buy into the “keeping it secret/private” issue. Everyone your hb could get money from needs to know and be alerted. It is so much easier to keep a clear head when the finances are protected and you don’t have to worry about bills being paid and food on the table. The sooner he sees himself facing the consequences of his doing the sooner he might understand that there is no way out, other than forward into another kind of recovery! I wish you luck and stay strong!!!!!!