Hi guys
Been a few weeks since i last posted and thought id update and remind myself of why i signed up here in the first place.
I have continued to gamble recently, a week ago i happened to get lucky or unlucky as it turned out to be and ‘won’ a large chunk of my gambling losses back from a relatively small deposit. I was on cloud nine, all my money problems gone for now, fell back in love with gambling, my luck had finally changed. This all seems so easy again.
I convinced myself time and time again that if i had that one win to just get me out of trouble i would run away happy and stop for good. I genuinely believed this would be the case of course it didnt go like that. All that happened was my greed and compulsion to gamble got stronger and stronger again as the balance stacked up, the stakes raised, before the eventual bad streak of losses and crash back down to earth with not a penny left
This is a serious brain disorder that doesnt just let go, it tricks you in everyway possible to keep you gambling and however much you convince yourself youre in control the reality is you arent and never will be for as long as you continue to gamble and feed it.
I would do anything to get my life back to how it was before this addiction caught hold of me, and its only me who can do that. This addiction isnt about the money and its took me a long time to realise that, we depend on the feeling and buzz that gambling gives to function and make us happy for that short period of time, but forget the mental pain, financial problems and anguish it creates long term.
Its a lose lose situation, when i win i lose, when i lose i lose even harder
Im still fighting this and want to beat it. I dont want to keep feeling this way, keep finding myself in the same old patterns and mistakes. The feelings of regret, guilt, anger relying on that rush of winning or even losing to get by day to day. It is no life