Hi Hammy
The addiction to gamble loves those who are too polite or too embarrassed to mention money being borrowed and not returned. If your husband has ‘borrowed’ from friends then it is his responsibility, not yours, to repay the debt. As long as people enable CGs, they do not feel the need to seek help.
Getting support from other people is fantastic; telling other people there is a problem is difficult to say the least. This addiction divides families and friends but because it feeds on lies and secrecy it is hard to let others know that they are enabling if they lend money. If they lend money knowing, however, that your husband has a problem it is their problem, not yours, although very sadly it does keep your husband in the cycle. If they come to you to cover the ‘loan’ then, in my view, it is important to tell them that you will not pay gambling debts as that is enablement. I must reiterate that all this is what I would do – I cannot tell you that this is what you must do. I believe it is important never to lie to cover for a CG.
There is no shame in telling people that your husband has this addiction, he didn’t ask for it or want it anymore than you did – but when friends and family become involved in the cycle, I believe, it is right and proper to give them information to protect themselves – and most importantly to help your husband. Unfortunately unless people have lived with the addiction to gamble, their opinions can be very narrow and not supportive so I prefer telling it as a statement rather than asking for opinions.
We can only take one day at a time and some days are harder than others but keep posting and you will be able to make the right informed decisions for yourself.
Velvet
