Hi Hammy
I am glad that you have already had relief from reading some posts on here and knowing you are not alone. Now that you are part of our forum I hope that soon you will be feeling less sick and tired and more like the person you want to be.
Not one word you have written is misunderstood, everything you have experienced is recognised on this forum, including wanting to rip his head off, so be assured that there is no judgement of either of you – just understanding.
You wrote that your husband is a good man, apart from when it comes to money but money is only the addiction’s tool, not the problem – the ‘gamble’ itself is the soul destroyer. I am bringing up my thread entitled ‘The F&F Cycle’ which I hope will help you.
As you have already found, shaming, swearing, shouting doesn’t change a thing, just as loving, forgiving, pleading, weeping does nothing, so where does that leave you? A favourite expression all over this site is that when nothing has worked ‘it is time to do something different’. My words may seem inadequate but the best way to combat this terrible addiction is to look after you first. I have no doubt your self-esteem and self-confidence are lying in shreds around you, leaving you vulnerable which gives your husband’s addiction the ability to have an unacceptable control of ‘your’ life. With knowledge of his addiction and with you in control of your life you will cope better and confuse his addiction in a way it has not been challenged before.
I suggest you put money into accounts over which your husband has no control and better still no knowledge. It is better to sleep on your purse than to lose money which causes you to become upset. Your daughters are too young to understand something which most of us with far too many years behind us struggle to understand. Personally I believe that trying to make sense of the senseless is just a waste of time and energy, time and energy better spent doing something you enjoy. With you back in the driving seat your daughters will have a wonderful role model to look up so that when they grow into young adults and learn about this addiction they will be strong, like their mother.
I am going to end my first post there Hammy apart from one question – does your husband accept he has a problem and if so does he want to change? There is an F&F only group tonight 20.00 -21.00 hours UK time where we communicate in real time. I hope these times are ok with you. It would be great to ‘see’ you there; nothing said in the group appears on the forum.
Well done writing this first post, the first one is the hardest.
Velvet
