I so appreciate your reply on my thread here on the other side; as I post mostly on the F & F forum; reading what you went through as a teenager gave me a chill, being a reminder of how childhood experience are still in our memories. I’ll never forget when my mom would stress over about the unpaid bills and my dad would say, “At least there is a roof over your head.” Really? It doesn’t take away from the fact that the house was in dire need of repair. Anyway, your memory, struck one in mine. Going back to yours, I smiled reading how your dad gave you money for the things you needed. This also reminds me of my mother and her little money stash she had, changing it often so dad wouldn’t come across it to spend on gambling. How is your mum now?
The addiction wants you to feel shame of your failings because it is cruel like that. It uses it to get you to gamble again, giving you false hope that you will win it big, so you can wipe free whatever failings you feel. There isn’t a person alive that doesn’t have failings, when you think about it, they are springboards to success. I have my fairshare, but they are not to ever make me feel guilty. We are not perfect, nor will we ever be. Whenever you feel down about them, just remind yourself you are not alone.
For the amount of cg out in the world, these boards should be pumping out a thread every minute. You are ahead of many as you are aware that gambling is not something that suits you. It gets you angry, stresses you out, and for now it is controlling you. I think you give it too much credit, saying you can’t stop, because you can. Take baby steps, spend more time with your son. Schedule activites with him, if you are going to gamble. If you feel like gambling, remember what happens afterwards. You gamble, you lose, then you’re depressed, angry, etc.
I do think it is a good idea to hop over to the F & F side, we are on the flip side of the addiction. Unfortunately, many deal with cg that are in denial of their gambling. There is alot to be learned from each other, maybe you could start posting there as well.
My journey is really done, my father is in a safe place, he can’t gamble, but I think if you knew his story it would really shake you up to think about gambling. He was a successful man, had his own business, etc, however, with the years passing he lost a little at a time. However, each year he slipped deeper in his addiciton, until he lost everything and lived in a car.
My reflections are for problem gambling on all levels; I just want people to see what horror it can do to a family if not taken care of.
I wish you the best,