I am a child of a cg who never owned up to his addiction, who never took it seriously, who only slightly admitted that he had a problem when he needed a bail out. When he was scared of being on the streets. He is the type of cg that run rampant in the world destroying the lives of spouses and children.
I lived with this addiction at a young age until my late 30’s. I was my father’s scapegoat, his biggest enabler and he left me with nothing but debts. This was done after he did the same to my mother. This is the reality of many whose parent is a cg in denail. I was used and abused by this addiction.
By placing your children’s best interest forth, you have spared them much anxiety, having to walk around eggshells around their father, have spared them from not being able to do what other children do because there is no money. Instead you are giving them every chance to live a normal and healthy life. You did it the first time by leaving their father at young ages, they will never know the true, cruel mannerism of their father’s drug addiction. Thanks to you and your stance for them not to ever believe they should be treated or treat someone the way your ex did. This world is tough enough, but having an addict in the house who has no desire to get help and continues to gamble regardless of how small it is, or do drugs, etc is setting the whole family for disaster. No one is perfect of course, but an addiction is never a character flaw, it is a chosen one. One that can be corrected if the desire to do so is within the addict and unfortunately not many have the desire to do so.
I can honestly say, I would have rather not known my father, than live the life I did for so many years. He did much damage to me emotionally and financially. I don’t hold grudges, but I am not stupid to ignore what he did. I am just thankful that it is over and I am finally living a joyful and happy life with my children. I see him occationally when I feel like it, and often when I leave, I cry because of the years I wasted, basically living in a world of anxiety covering his lies, helping him, being the loyal daughter. Because many said in his defense, he is your father. I realize what stupidity those words were, such hogwash. I should have cut ties with him after the few times I discovered he was lying. How my life and my mother’s life would have been better for it. But of course, that is neither here or there, but I have learned never to ever get on a sinking ship again. My daughter’s were not immune by this addiction, especially my oldest who is 13. However, they have learned what addiction is and to stay away from it.
You have made brave choices and they are ones many only can wish to do. I believe many who will read your words will find the courage and strength to follow their guts.
Thank you for sharing your story.