I have been out of my relaitionship for over 12mths now but initially as had happened many times before, I faced a bombardment of texts and calls ranging from the I love you bit and i’ll never gamble again to the most horrible insults imaginable.
The minute I replied often in a moment of weakness or a moment of wanting to believe it just would all start up again. Even if my reply was a negative one it appeared to be received as – a “chance” almost like a child, bad attention was attention non the less.
I too thought of many possible reasons for this including some of those that you describe, was it enablement, chasing losses etc etc it was just something else to think about, something else to try and work out.
I put on my recent update that I had recently received a text when having reason to unblock my phone and I was a bit surprised that it was still happening. I know however exactly what could have happened if I had replied in any way, not a rekindling but a boat load of stress I don’t need or want.
I think the level of manipulation increases after a break up or is it just that we begin to see more clearly what has or is going on when the dust begins to settle? Either way its just so horrible to be in a relaitionship where we have to examine the motives for everything that is said – and even out of !
The only thing that worked for me was to have absolutely no contact at all, not to read the messages or listen to the calls, and later certainly not to respond in any way no matter how tempting it was. The minute that I did, my mind would be whirring the cogs grinding and it was too much like hard work.
I also think that the presence of all you describe are not the actions of the person in recovery but the gambling addiction in full flight trying every trick it knows, making it all far less believable. It is all designed to be confusing and hurtful to bring you down, to make you vulnerable, so it is little wonder that from time to time you are hurt.
Hopeful if your relaitionship is over and the door is shut then its best to keep it shut, slammed and bolted, even the smallest chink of light can show the addiction a way in such is its ability to manipulate.
I have no idea how long he will go on for or why but what I do know is its best not to feed the fire or it will continue to burn you. Carry on concentrating on you and try not to give him any avenues to make you start analysing what is happening. Its not worth it.
I think you know exactly what he is doing
Jenny