Just wanted to say a big well done to you, you gave it your best shot and you did what was best for your children and yourself.
I like you walked away having been through that mangle enough times and yes my children got dragged through it as well. I walked away a few times and went back until it was just that once too much.
I also believed I could never trust etc again so I deliberately took time out of relaitionships possibly through fear of maybe attracting another wrong person, I too had many days where I felt like hiding under the duvet and never coming out.
As your recovery goes on Hopeful and it takes a long time to be so damaged and longer possibly to recover from that damage, things will get better time is a great healer as they say.
Having said that I have had to work to build my life after addiction, time does heal but a recovery has to be worked as well. I deliberately went out with friends when I felt like not wanting to, put my make up on when I didn’t want to be bothered and cut myself a lot more slack than I had previously been doing.
I noticed that the more time I spent in good company and honest company the easier it was to see what I had become and to resolve that it would never happen again.
Its paid off for me as i’m sure it will for you, now I am in a brilliant relaitionship one which is just full of laughter and happiness and strangely with someone who I do manage to trust ( amazingly )
I have to say though I did go in to shock a few times initially when he bought me a few drinks ( a some what alien concept to me as i’m sure you can imagine) and at times I have had to work a bit to allow myself to be treated nicely without needing to be suspicious !! I guess I have just been so much more careful of who I let in to my life.
Hopeful I believe your experience will and has made you a stronger person and with the ability to go forwards in your recovery and use this experience to draw on in the rest of your life, then things will only get better.
I too have said my goodbyes on this forum ( several times ! ) mainly because I wanted to leave all thoughts of gambling behind and really that I had nothing left to contribute and now that I don’t always feel too right about being so happy on here – if that makes sense ?
I have however never been that far away and often still read without replying, now with more of a sense of objectivity than unhappy and sad memories and as a reminder as to where I don’t want to be !
I am really glad you’ve written that post, another success story although It may have not been the type of success you had in mind initially.
It shows that we too have choices and its down to us to make them, happiness is not found in the potential for someone else’s recovery it has always been within us it just takes for us to apply the same level of common sense to ourselves as we have tried to apply to our CGs.
I do hope that in months to come you may consider doing a little update ( I should update my own !), I feel like i’m saying goodbye before Hello ! but should you choose not to I would wish you and your children bucket fulls of happiness in your futures.
Jenny x